


Stupid Cupid

by BlazingStarInInkyBlackness



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Agender Marquis de Lafayette, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Curse/ Blessing, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Other, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 06:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12163764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness/pseuds/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness
Summary: Alexander Hamilton has always known he was cursed; cursed to rip relationships apart. It had torn apart every romantic relationship he's ever had and the ones he's been around. He's never thought of it as a blessing. Not until he saw a boy with a beautiful face and far too many bruises.Maybe the curse is the blessing everyone's told him about. At least for John Laurens.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said I wasn't gonna update Voiceless Symphonies so this update might be odd but I have reasons. This is under edited (sorry about that) and basically I have learnt that I write to cope with tragedy (lil bit like Hammy boy (what do you mean it's escapism on an entirely new level?)) and so i have been writing a lot but VS needs editing which a) I hate and b) it takes a lot of work and not a lot of brain work.  
> So enjoy this and whatever other fics may appear. An underground fighting multichap au might be appearing at some point (jamilton because I'm trash) or maybe another BMC fic or maybe even a Holby City fic. Who knows? Not me.  
> (Also, jambon means ham so Laf is just calling him little ham all the way through this because I saw that somewhere and it's fucking adorable)

The first sign that anything was odd with Alexander came a week after his birth. His parents, who had adored each other for decades, began to pull apart. Alexander never knew his parents as they were, when they still loved each other. As he grew up, his parents began to separate.

His brother noticed it, knew what it meant when his father started to not come back every night. Their mother didn’t care, didn’t let herself care. Any love she’d felt for the man was sucked away with every passing day.

Alexander’s father left when he was ten. His mother didn’t cry, didn’t even pause. He left and never came back and she was glad.

James had figured it out by then, had figured out what Alexander did. James tried to tamp down his anger until one day he brought home his first girlfriend. Alexander wouldn’t leave them alone, kept on talking to the girl.

At the beginning of the date James was infatuated with the girl, by the next week he never wanted to see her again. When Alexander asked James just shrugged it off.

Alexander didn’t work it out until much later, until their mother was dead and they were in America all alone. They were adopted by Ned Stevens and his wife.

That first night James was too tired to focus on anything. Alexander kept on talking and James just let it happen.

The next morning, Ned stood apart from his wife and glared at her. That was when James realised he had to do something. He dragged Alexander into their room.

“Stop it.” James hissed out. Alexander glared up at him, rubbing at his arm.

“Stop what?”

“You know what I’m talking about!”

“No I don’t! I’m not doing anything!”

“They’re giving us a place to live! Why are you trying to make them miserable?”

“James I don’t understand!”

“You’re- you’re making them stop loving each other! It’s the same thing you did with mama!”

“Wh-what?” Alexander asked, staring at James in horror. “I di- mama said that wasn’t anything to do with us!”

“It had nothing to do with me! It was you!”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Alexander’s chin was wobbling and he was seconds away from crying.

“Then figure it out. I won’t have you fucking up another home!” James turned on his heel and strode from the door, slamming it behind him.

It took a month for Ned Stevens’ marriage to fall apart. When it did, Alexander and James were sat down as it was gently explained to them. Their father had got back in touch. They could go back to him or choose one of the Stevens’. Alexander looked at James and James refused to meet his eyes.

“I’m going back home.” James stated. Alexander glanced at him and nodded.

“M-me too.”

“I don’t want you tagging along!” James snarled. Alexander stared at him in horror as the room devolved into an argument.

In the end, James was sent back to his father and Alexander stayed with Ned Stevens. When James left he didn’t even apologise, just muttered that he’d see Alexander again someday. He didn’t bother pretending to give a date. They both knew they wouldn’t meet again.

 

As Alexander grew up he began to understand the phenomenon that seemed to haunt him. Whenever he spent time with people they fell out of love. He didn’t understand it but he could see it.

The more emotional he was the less he could control it. On the days where his anxiety was through the roof he could see couples moving apart as he walked past. He could see how he ruined relationships wherever he went.

He got therapy but it didn’t help. He knew something was wrong with him and he couldn’t tell his therapist that.

Ned tried but he couldn’t help. Alexander pulled away from him, burying himself in books and information because he knew he couldn’t ruin that. He grew up clever and ignored the tug in his chest when he saw the people in magazines, there was no point.

He couldn’t have a long term relationship. They’d hate him.

So he didn’t even bother.

 

When he reached college he did it a year early and lonelier than he’d ever really known. He’d managed to get a lock on his problem, managed to slow it down. He could never stop it but he could do something at least.

Alexander approached Aaron Burr first. He then tried to ignore when the teen’s relationships crumbled one after the other. But Alexander was selfish to the end, not once did he even mention the phenomenon. Instead he just comforted Burr with each failed relationship.

When Burr broke up with James Madison Alexander retreated for a while. He couldn’t bring himself to cause Burr even more pain. They’d been dating for years and it had seemed that they’d be married one day.

Then Madison upped and left, spouting some bullshit about how he couldn’t cope with Burr’s indecisions, something that had never bothered him before. That night Burr got drunk with Alexander next to him. That night Alexander lost his virginity and woke up feeling revolted with himself.

He’d essentially broken up the perfect relationship just so he managed to get fucked. Maybe that hadn’t been his plan but that had been what happened. He’d used both of them for his own personal gain. He’d twisted their feelings and emotions for a quick fuck.

Alexander spent the rest of that day in his room, alternating between vomiting the remains of his hangover into the toilet and sobbing as to what kind of monster he’d become.

 

It took Alexander four months to meet John Laurens. It took him approximately three seconds to realise he was deeply in love with the man. John had a smile that seemed to speak the words Alexander was always searching for.

John had the kind of eyes Alexander could stare at for hours. The only problem was the bruises that ringed his left eye.

“What did he do?” Lafayette whispered as they took John’s head in their hands. Alexander vaguely knew Lafayette and their boyfriend, not well enough to approach that particular conversation but maybe enough to watch.

“It doesn’t matter, Laf.” John mumbled, pushing their hands away. Lafayette growled and muttered something in French Alexander had already been thinking.

“John this is getting serious.” Hercules said softly. “If he-”

“It’s nothing.” John growled. “It was an accident. He- he doesn’t mean it. Charlie loves me.”

“This is not love.” Lafayette glowered at John who couldn’t meet their eyes.

“It- it doesn’t matter.” John muttered. “You don’t know my relationship. Can we please just- can we just drop it?” He stared at them pleadingly and Lafayette continued to glower. Hercules sighed and nodded.

“We’re here for you, man. Remember that.”

“Course.”

As John spoke he glanced around the bar. He caught sight of Alexander, clearing eavesdropping. John held his gaze for several seconds before he looked away, ashamed.

Alexander stared at him before he stood abruptly and left. He couldn’t get involved. Not if he wanted Hercules and Lafayette’s relationship to survive. Anyway, Alexander reminded himself bitterly as he left, it wasn’t as if he’d be of any help.

 

The next time Alexander met John, John looked even worse for wear. He was sat at a bench, staring off into nothing. He looked drawn and far too thin. He was holding one of his hands close to his chest, as if he was in pain.

Alexander stared at him for several minutes before he finally sat down next to him.

“What do you want?” John asked. His voice was scratchy and it was obvious he’d been sobbing. Alexander shrugged in response and John sighed. “You don’t interact with anyone. Wh-what do you want?”

“I wanted to know if you were okay.” Alexander admitted softly. John was right, he didn’t talk to people unless he absolutely had to. He didn’t like knowing he could be ruining a budding relationship just by his mere presence.

“I’m fine.” John’s voice quivered slightly and Alexander sighed.

“What’s wrong with your hand?”

“Nothing.” John drew it further into his body and Alexander nodded.

“I-” Alexander broke off. What could he say next? He couldn’t help, he couldn’t do anything. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“What?”

“Do you?”

John sniffed and carefully pulled his arm away from his body. The wrist was swollen and bruised. Alexander winced at the sight.

“M-maybe.”

“What happened?”

“My bo- I- uh- I mean- I-” John stared down at his arm, as if he was trying to work something out. Tears began to dribble down his face and he shook his head. “It was an accident.”

“Okay.”

“Wh-what?”

“You need help. Come on.” Alexander stood and after a long moment John did the same.

“You- you’ll take me to the hospital?”

“That needs to be looked at.” Alexander nodded to John’s wrist. “I’m guessing you don’t want your friends to see it.”

“N-No.” John muttered.

“Then yeah.”

“Why are you helping me?”

Alexander didn’t have an answer.

 

Two weeks after the incident Lafayette and Hercules cornered Alexander. He was sat in the library, reading the same line for the tenth time. It wasn’t sinking in and all he could think of was the way John had limped into class that day.

“Excuse moi?”

Alexander’s head snapped up as he caught sight of the pair. He immediately scowled.

“What do you want?”

“Wow, nice introduction.” Hercules chuckled as he sat down. Alexander sighed. He didn’t want to be the reason Lafayette and Hercules split up.

“We need your help.” Lafayette said with a sombre expression. Alexander quirked an eyebrow and Lafayette continued. “You have seen John.”

“John Laurens? I’ve seen him around.”

“He told us you took him to the hospital.” Hercules butted in. “So don’t try to play innocent.”

“Fine yeah. I saw he was hurt so I took him to AnE. I’m not a terrible person.” Alexander scoffed. “Doesn’t mean much. What do you want?”

“You are a Donne, non?” Lafayette asked. Alexander froze and stared at him. A smile slipped across Lafayette’s face and he leant forwards.

“That’s ridiculous.” Alexander stated. He grabbed for his book but Hercules put a hand down on top of them. Alexander glared at the hand for a moment before he turned mutinously to Hercules. “Get off my books.”

“You’re a Blessed.”

“No. I’d be on the register.”

“Only those born in America.” Lafayette’s voice was almost singsong and Alexander bristled.

“What the hell are you trying to say?”

“You’re an unregistered Blessed.”

“I’m not unregistered.” Alexander muttered. “You only have to register at birth. Not if you become a citizen.”

“But you are a Donne!” Lafayette exclaimed. Alexander glanced around.

“Keep your voice down! Yeah. Yeah, I am. So what?”

“There have been rumours of your powers across campus, petit jambon.”

“You are not calling me little ham.” Alexander stated. Lafayette pouted but carried on.

“It is said you can separate lovers.”

“Yeah. Yeah. That’s my fucking blessing.”

“Then we need your help.” Hercules released his grip on the books as he spoke. Alexander glanced at them and wondered if he should just run. “John needs your help.” Alexander looked back at Hercules.

“What do you mean?”

“You must have seen his… relationship.” Lafayette spat the word out as if they were disgusted by it. “You know as well as I that it is not love, yet John remains fooled. We wish that you remind him what love is.”

“What?”

“I get it’s unethical.” Hercules shrugged. “But John’s gonna get himself seriously hurt soon. I don’t think he’d stop his boyfriend ever.”

“So it is simple, you go to John and remove his love.”

“My- I can’t make it work like that.” Alexander sighed. “It just happens, okay? I don’t choose it. I- I don’t control the timeframe. It just happens. It’s not even a fucking blessing or a gift or- or whatever they want to call it. It’s a curse and that’s all.”

“Then maybe this is how you make it not a curse.” Lafayette’s voice was soft as they saw the tension running throughout Alexander’s body. “Save our friend. Before he harms himself seriously.”

“I-” Alexander sighed before he slowly nodded. “I’ll do it.”

 

Alexander’s first step in the plan that he still wasn’t entirely convinced would work, was working out John’s schedule. He needed time with the teen, as much time as he could get.

He learnt that John didn’t eat lunch most days, just watched as his boyfriend ate. When John spent mornings in the library he was normally hunched over with new bruises that were all too visible. With each new sign Alexander wanted more and more to rip the relationship apart. He couldn’t imagine what Hercules and Lafayette had been going through, not being able to do anything.

Alexander glanced across at John who was sat in a booth across the restaurant. He looked gaunt and his boyfriend was glaring at him. Alexander didn’t think he was close enough to change it.

“You idiot!”

Alexander’s head snapped around to watch John cowering backwards from Charles who had coffee dripping down his front. John began to mumble something but Alexander couldn’t hear it. Charles obviously didn’t want to hear it as he just shook his head and strode off.

John rose but didn’t follow him. Instead he slowly sat back down and began to wipe the coffee off the table. As the eyes in the room went back to what they were doing almost no-one saw John begin to sob.

Alexander walked over to John’s table just as the teen gave up on cleaning the coffee. John put his head in his hands and began to sob in earnest. Alexander put a gentle hand on his shoulder and he jumped.

“I-” John stared at Alexander in confusion as he sat down across from John.

“You okay there?”

“F-fine.” John hiccupped out. He pulled the sleeves of his jumper down to wipe away his tears. Alexander saw the neckline dip to reveal a nasty black bruise in the vague shape of fingers.

“You don’t look great.”

“It’s fine.”

“Who was that man?”

“Charles Lee. My boyfriend. He- he has a temper but it’s nothing- it’s nothing.”

“Looked like something.”

“It wasn’t. Look I- I should go after him.” John wiped away the rest of his tears and stood. Alexander stood as well.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“I- I don’t think that would help.” John admitted in a small voice. “Just-” He sniffed and had to obviously fight from breaking into tears again. “I need to go.”

“Here.” Alexander held out a piece of paper which John took. “It’s my number.”

“I’ve got a boyfriend. I-”

“I know. If it gets out of hand.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yeah you do.”

John glanced up at Alexander at that and nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Stay safe.”

John smiled weakly and nodded before he ran out of the restaurant. Alexander watched him go with a frown.

Yeah, he was going to do something.

 

After that, Alexander made it his job to stick close to John. During lectures he texted the teen and he was eventually added to the three’s group chat. Hercules and Lafayette didn’t have as much to say to him but they were gracious enough to pretend to be friends with him for John’s benefit.

John often came to sit with Alexander in the library while they both studied. John paid close attention to his phone, checking it every few minutes but Alexander tried to ignore that. He also tried to ignore the bruises and flinches. That was more difficult.

A week and a half after Alexander had started the endeavour he realised that John didn’t eat. He knew that John must eat at some point but he never saw him doing it. When he arrived at the library the moment it opened, saying he just needed a bit of space, he didn’t bring food. Whenever he ate with his boyfriend he left his plate as empty as it had been to begin with. He didn’t snack and it was beginning to show.

So Alexander decided to change that.

“Fuck. I got the wrong one.” Alexander mumbled to himself. John looked up, barely awake.

“What?”

“Cereal bar.” Alexander put it on the table. “I’m allergic to peanuts.”

“Didn’t know that.” John muttered. “Badly?”

“Not that bad. Here, you have it.” Alexander pressed it into John’s unresisting hands.

“You sure?” John took it and stared down at the bar for several long moments. Alexander nodded.

“I’m sure. Not like I hang out with anyone else so otherwise it’s going in the trash and there’s no point doing that.”

“O-okay.” John peeled the wrapper open and stared at it for several seconds before he finally began eating. As soon as he’d started it was as if he couldn’t control himself anymore and it was gone in seconds. “Fuck I- I’m sorry. That was really-”

“Don’t worry.” Alexander shook his head and turned back to his work, a small smile playing across his face. The next day he ‘accidently’ bought another bar. And the next, and the next.

John gave up complaining far too quickly.

 

“There’s a problem.” Alexander said as he sat down at Lafayette and Hercules’ table. They both looked up at him in surprise, having been distracted by each other.

“With what?”

“Breaking up John.”

“What is it?”

“It’s not love, okay? Whatever his boyfriend is feeling, it’s not love. I- I don’t know if my curse can break that. And it makes people hate each other. Like- _hate_ hate each other. What if- what if something really bad happens?”

“Then we shall deal with it. You fret too much, petit jambon.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“We will deal.” Hercules said, shooting his partner a look. “Even if John is hurt, it is better than what he’s going through now.”

“Is that really our call to make?” Alexander asked. Hercules sighed.

“Look, you have no idea what John was like before this. He was happy, seriously happy. Now he’s just- he’s just a ghost of himself, okay? The longer he stays with Lee the more serious this is going to get. I need my friend back and-”

“Lee could kill him.” Alexander said bluntly. Hercules and Lafayette both recoiled at that. “I make people hate each other, I poison everything they like about each other until there’s no way they could possibly stay together.”

“Has- has someone tried?”

“Not yet.” Alexander didn’t elaborate.

“It does not matter.” Lafayette said softly. “John needs to be safe. That cannot happen while Lee is near. You have to do this.”

“I don’t like this, okay?” Alexander sighed. “But I’ll do it. For John though.”

“Of course.”

 

Alexander heard a slamming on his door and sat bolt upright. He looked around blearily to find himself slumped over his desk, having just woken. He shook himself and made his way to the door to open it.

On the other side John lay, half slumped against the wall. Blood was running down his face and he was, once more, holding his arm. This time it was crooked and seemed to be the main reason for the tears running down his face.

“Shit.” Alexander whispered, ushering John into his room. “What happened?”

“Are you a Blessed?” John muttered. Alexander paused and pulled back. John turned to stare at him through tear filled eyes.

“Yeah.” Alexander couldn’t help the truth slipping out from his lips. Not when John was staring at him like that.

“You make people break up.”

“Yeah.”

“You tried to make me and Charlie break up.”

“John-”

“Did you?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s hurting you! Because he’s starving you and he- he’s hurting you, John. Can’t you see that?”

“He loves me.” John whispered. “That’s- that’s the best bit, isn’t it? He hasn’t fucking changed. He still loves me, Alexander! Your fucking meddling didn’t do a thing!”

“Do you love him?” Alexander asked quietly. John paused for a second too long. “Do you?”

“I- I don’t know.” John muttered. “You- you came along and it’s all- it’s all fucked up now.”

“You don’t love him, John. You haven’t loved him for, maybe a month?” Alexander scoffed. “I know how you look at me. I know that you care more for me than him.”

“Fuck you.”

“Go ahead.”

“No! You don’t get to fucking rip my relationship apart and then- then play the hero!” John shot upright and glared at Alexander who glared right back. Suddenly Alexander remembered James, remembered the feeling of utter betrayal as the person he loved left him.

So he did the only thing he knew how to do; he decided to rip the relationship apart.

“Why not? I am! I am the fucking hero because I saved you! He could have killed you and you’d have just taken it!” Alexander saw the pain on John’s face but he didn’t care, he pressed on. “You’re pathetic, John! Why would I want someone like you? You can’t even fucking realise your precious boyfriend was never in love with you. That’s why my curse didn’t work! Because he used you from the first day and you never noticed it! He used you and-” Alexander broke off as he felt his head spin to the side and pain blossom as John punched him.

“Fuck you.” John’s voice shook as he spoke. “Fuck you, Hamilton. At least I don’t fucking drive people off just by being me. At least I know someone could love me.”

“And that’s been going so well for you.”

“Don’t _fucking_ talk to me.” John spat out before whirling on his heel and striding out the room. Alexander stared after him for a few seconds before he collapsed onto the bed himself. He grabbed his phone and pulled up Lafayette’s information.

**From: Petit Jambon**

**It’s done. They broke up**

**From: Hon Hon**

**Yay! Drinks tomorrow?**

**From: Hon Hon**

**Alexander?**

**From: Hon Hon**

**What happened?**

**From: Hon Hon**

**John is here. We’re going to the hospital**

**From: Hon Hon**

**He isn’t saying what happened**

**From: Hon Hon**

**What did you do Alexander?**

Alexander stared at the phone numbly. What had he done? What he’d always done. He’d screwed up his life, his curse had ripped away another friend. He’d pushed away another friend. He'd used someone and thrown them away without a second thought. He'd manipulated someone for his own personal gain. Worse, this time he'd been in love with his victim.

**From: Petit Jambon**

**What you wanted me to**

**[Petit Jambon has left the conversation]**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's still not perfectly edited. None of this was actually written when I posted the last part so who knows

Alexander’s first action was to block John, Lafayette and Hercules on all social media. He left any group he was in with them and unfriended them. When their messages came through he deleted them without reading. Eventually he didn’t even bother reading them, just left them gathering in his inbox.

He didn’t share any classes with them so he was safe there at least. He threw himself into work, more than he ever had before. He ignored when he was hungry or tired or thirsty, if he stopped then he thought and if he thought he remembered just what he’d said to John.

“You can’t keep this up.” Burr said softly. Alexander just shrugged and didn’t bother saying anything else. Burr sighed. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“I’m strong.”

“No-one’s this strong. What happened?”

“They figured out what I am.” Alexander muttered.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m cursed. You’d better stay away from me.”

“You’re my friend, Alexander. I’m not going to leave you.”

“Sure.”

“Alexander, I’m worried about you.” Burr sighed. “I think you might need professional help.”

“What?”

“Mental health is-”

“I’m not fucking depressed.” Alexander snapped. Burr shook his head.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed about. It’s just-”

“I’m not depressed.”

“Alexander-” Before Burr could say anything else his phone rang. He stared at it before sighing. “It’s Lafayette. They’re calling me.”

“I wasn’t picking up.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“Fuck off, Burr.” Alexander grumbled. Burr hesitated before he nodded.

“I’m going on a date and I’m going to be late soon but we need a conversation.”

“A date? I didn’t know-”

“Theodosia Prevost.” Burr smiled gently and Alexander couldn’t stop staring.

“What about Madison?”

“We split up, the next step is typically finding someone else. Anyway, Theodosia is-” Burr smiled that same warm smile and Alexander felt his heart twang.

“Have fun.” Alexander mumbled.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Try to get back to the dorms before midnight.”

“Don’t promise anything.” Alexander muttered. Burr scoffed before leaving the room. Alexander stared at the paper in front of him before he let his head fall into his hands. Everything was going to shit and he couldn’t let Burr be caught up in it as well.

One of the upsides of being Burr’s friend had been that Burr didn’t date a lot. Anytime he did, it was meant to be short term. He hadn’t been looking for anything permanent since Madison and that meant that Alexander wasn’t really ruining anything, not anything permanent at least.

He no longer got that cop out. He didn’t get to ignore what he’d just heard so he could only do what he’d always done; made sure his curse didn’t spread to Burr. He couldn’t spend time with him anymore, for Theodosia’s sake as well as him.

 

Alexander sat down in his lecture. He knew he looked wrecked. His hair was unwashed and there were deep bags under his eyes. He saw someone glance at him and he just hunched further into himself. He didn’t need their judgement, he had his own.

“What the fuck happened to you?”

Alexander looked up and groaned.

“Not in the fucking mood, Herc.” Alexander muttered. He leant forwards and pulled his laptop out of his bag. Hercules sat down next to him. Alexander stared at him. “You’re not in this lecture.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m studying Law, you’re studying fashion design. They don’t overlap.”

“I’m sure you weren’t this much of an asshole when we were friends.”

“We weren’t fucking friends, remember? I was manipulating John with the fucking curse that I have.”

Hercules was silent for a long moment at that before he started to speak again.

“We were friends, Alexander.”

“What?”

“Laf and I, we care about you. They were frantic when you didn’t respond.”

“You don’t give a shit about me. I know it was just pretending for John’s sake and I’m fine with that. I don’t need anything more.”

“Alexander-”

“What?” Alexander snapped. More people were turning to stare at him and he glared back at them.

“We care about you. We’re worried. You- you look like shit, man.”

“Thanks.”

“No I’m serious. What happened to you?”

“Nothing.”

“Burr was worried.”

“Burr worries about everything. Doesn’t do a damn thing about it.”

“John’s worried.”

Alexander paused before he shook his head. He closed his laptop and shoved it back into his bag. He stood up and towered over Hercules for a few moments. He was fighting to keep his hands from trembling and he knew people were still fucking staring.

“John doesn’t give a shit about me and he shouldn’t. I-” Alexander blinked back tears before he shook his head. “John hates me. Just like he should. Don’t fucking lie to me.” With that he strode out of the room and tried to ignore how dizzy the warm sun outside made him.

 

Two weeks later Alexander collapsed.

He was walking back from the library to his dorm. The sun had set hours ago and he’d only left the library when the librarian had all but chased him out. In general she was nice but he was obviously getting on her nerves. He tried not to see the worry in her eyes.

Alexander didn’t even know what triggered it, one moment he was upright and the next he was on the floor. His eyes slid closed without his permission as he stared up at the stars.

The first thing he knew when he woke up again was the pain in the back of his head. The next was that someone was cradling it in their hands. He groaned muzzily before trying to move away.

“Stay still!”

“Wha?” Alexander mumbled out.

“What the fuck happened to him?” Someone whispered from above him. Alexander tried to open his eyes but they weren’t listening to him.

“I don’t know.” Replied the voice that must be holding his head. “We need to get him to hospital.”

“No. Don’ nee’ ‘t.” Alexander turned to his side and put his hands onto the cold concrete.

“Shit. What the fuck?”

“Alexander, can you hear me?”

“Y’h.”

“Can you see me?”

Alexander slowly opened his eyes to see James Madison above him. He groaned before closing his eyes again, wishing he was anywhere but there.

“Nice welcome.” The other person said.

“Shh. Alexander, it’s okay. Do you know what happened?”

“Collapsed.”

“Has this happened before?”

Alexander didn’t say anything, just set his mouth in a hard line. He heard James sigh and the other person laugh briefly.

“Wow. You never told me he was like this, Jemmy.”

“We need to get him to a hospital, okay?”

“Don’t need it.” Alexander repeated, with a bit more success this time. He forced his eyes to open and stared up at James Madison. Above his shoulder stood Thomas Jefferson. Alexander groaned again. “Just get me home, okay?”

“No. We’re going to the hospital.” Madison stood and pulled Alexander up. Alexander yelped in surprise at the sudden change. Jefferson jumped slightly and rushed forwards to support Alexander as well. He hung between the two of them and let his head hang forwards. He hadn’t noticed how exhausted he was, how little energy he had and how much of it he was getting from coffee.

“Is this really a good idea, Jemmy?”

“Thomas we both know what can happen when someone collapses like this.”

Jefferson took in a deep breath at that. Alexander wasn’t in enough of his own mind to remember Madison collapsing from stress a few months before. Being passed out in the middle of a campus overnight wasn’t a good idea for anyone, especially someone as small as Madison.

“Okay.” Jefferson said softly. “The hospital.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Jemmy.”

Alexander didn’t hear any more of that conversation as his ear began to fill with the sound of lapping water. He felt his head tip forwards of its own volition and within seconds he was passed out.

 

When Alexander fully woke up he was in hospital. Jefferson and Madison were sat by his bed, both asleep. Alexander glanced at his arm and groaned as he saw the drip in it. He was never going to be able to live this down.

As Alexander looked around Jefferson started awake. He stared at Alexander before flashing a weak smile.

“Hello Hamilton.”

“Jefferson.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“I’m guessing a hospital.” Alexander began to tug on the end of his blanket. “I collapsed didn’t I?”

“Yep.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t realise how bad it had got.”

“You didn’t-” Jefferson scoffed. “You collapsed and- it’s three AM, Alexander.”

“So I’ve only been sleeping for a few hours. What does it-”

“Two fucking days.” Jefferson spoke over Alexander. “Two fucking days you’ve been in that bed, Alexander. It’s Sunday. You collapsed on Friday.”

“No. Bullshit.”

“Why the hell would I lie to you?”

“I can’t have been here for two days!”

“Why not?”

“Because- because I have deadlines! I have stuff I need to do!”

“No you don’t! The Uni let you take a leave of absence.”

“That’s not what I need!”

“You fucking need something.” Jefferson snarled out. “You could have killed yourself if it had carried on for a bit longer. This isn’t a game, Hamilton!”

“Fuck you.” Alexander spat. He curled in on himself and crossed his arms. Jefferson stared at him for a moment before he sighed.

“Sorry that was- this is stressful for me and James, okay? You know he was attacked a few months ago and-”

“I forgot.” Alexander whispered. “It must have been-”

“I’m looking after him.”

“Yeah.”

Alexander sighed. He needed to get them out of the hospital. He knew that the longer they were around him with his emotions out of check like this the more likely they were to split up. Even though he hadn’t talked to Madison since he’d broken up with Burr he didn’t hate the man.

“You should probably get home.” Alexander muttered. Jefferson sighed.

“What’s going on with you, Hamilton?”

“What do you mean?”

“James talks about you a lot. He says you’re a great guy. You’re funny, loyal and passionate. He was always surprised how you made Burr act and he knew that guy for a long time. But then you drive off Laf?”

“How do you know about that?”

“Laf’s an old friend.”

“Of course they are.” Alexander muttered.

“Then you push Burr away. Now you’re in hospital because you collapsed? What the fuck happened?”

“None of your business.”

Jefferson sighed before he nodded.

“Fine. But we’re not leaving until you’re discharged.”

 

Jefferson was true to his word. He and Madison stayed in the hospital for the rest of the day until Alexander was finally allowed to leave with strict instructions to take it easy. As they drove him back to his dorm he let his eyes fall closed.

When he opened them again he wasn’t outside his dorm.

“Where the fuck am I?”

“You’re staying with us for a bit.” Madison said, almost confused. “Didn’t Thomas-”

“Knew something had slipped my mind.” Jefferson grinned at Madison who glowered back. “Hospital said you shouldn’t exert yourself. So we’re going to help you a bit. Anyway, if you collapsed in your room how long would it take for someone to notice?”

“Dunno.” Alexander muttered. Jefferson nodded.

“So for now you’re staying with us.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too.”

 

Alexander hated to admit it but maybe him staying with the couple had some upsides to it. While he was no longer in walking distance he was in bus distance and Jefferson or Madison were more than happy to drive him onto campus when he needed to get there.

It was easier to keep a regular eating pattern as well with the schedule already set down by the other two.  His sleeping pattern was still all but non-existent but he was at least sleeping. His workload had slowed and he didn’t have as much time to fill so he spent it tentatively getting back in touch with Burr.

As soon as Alexander mentioned that he’d been hospitalised Burr demanded to come over. Alexander tapped out a small text saying he was at Madison’s. The reply took a long time.

**From: ADotBurr**

**I’ll be there**

Within five minutes he was. Alexander opened the door to him and Burr stared up and down at him until bringing him into a tight hug.

“Fucking hell, don’t do that to me!” Burr hissed out. He pulled back and shook his head. “You terrified me, Alexander. No word from you for a month!”

“Sorry.” Alexander mumbled. Burr sighed.

“I shouldn’t be shouting at you. Are you going to invite me in?”

“Oh. Course.” Alexander stepped aside as Burr walked in. He led Burr into the kitchen and sat the man down next to him. Burr regarded him for a long moment before he sighed.

“Hercules told me some of what’s going on.”

“Really?”

“The day after I broke up with James, where did you go?”

“Wh-what?” Alexander asked shakily.

“You vanished. That’s normally considered rude.”

“Oh I just- I was hungover.”

“Really?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you a Blessed?”

“Fucking hell, why does everyone want to know that?” Alexander hissed out. Burr sighed.

“Are you?”

“I’m cursed, okay? That’s- that’s it. Did Herc tell you that?”

“He implied some things and I put the rest of it together myself. What is your gift?”

“It’s a curse.”

“What is it?”

“I make people fall out of love.” Alexander admitted quietly. “I- I can’t control it.”

“Like an anti-cupid.”

“I guess. But Cupid could actually do that anyway. In the original stories he had two types of arrows and one was tipped in lead and if that hit someone then it made them fall out of love. It was-”

“When did you first know about it?”

“When I was a kid. My parents split up. Then the family I stayed with split up. Then all of my brother’s girlfriends. I’ve never had a real relationship. Nothing- nothing stays. None of yours worked either.” Alexander ducked his head at that.

“I had wondered about that.”

“What?”

“John mentioned something to me just after you left him. I didn’t- I didn’t put much by it.”

“What was it?”

“He told me that if I ever wanted to be happy with someone I’d leave you alone.”

“It’s the only way.” Alexander sniffed and rubbed at his eyes angrily. “Relationships don’t fucking survive me.”

“So you think the only way you can live is to be alone and friendless?”

“Until I find someone who doesn’t want romance, yeah.”

“Was I your first?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t- it doesn’t hurt friendships, just romantic relationships. That’s- why aren’t you mad at me?”

“Should I be?”

“Yeah! I- I ruined you and Madison. And every other relationship you’ve been in here. I ruined- I might have ruined Theodosia.”

“You haven’t. And I- I didn’t just happen to fall out of love with James. We had issues, Alexander. All of my relationships have had serious issues that we were ignoring.”

“You were meant to end up together.”

“No. James and I- we loved each other. We did but James has always had something for Jefferson. The moment they met I knew James wasn’t really mine. Sometimes people just click. Like soulmates.”

“Soulmates don’t exist.”

“So you believe in anti-cupids but not soulmates?”

“I dunno.”

“Why did you fall out with John?”

“Cause I used him. I- I just-” Alexander sighed. “I played him. He was in an abusive relationship and so Laf and Herc asked me to break it up. I- I did it. As soon as he broke up he went to my dorm and tried to talk to me and I just- I told him I was a fucking hero and he should thank me. I was horrible. He punched me, like he should have, and he left.”

“Shit.”

“It’s better like this. It’s- it’s better that I just don’t- that I don’t ruin his life.”

“He wants you back.”

“He wanted to stay with Lee for months.”

“Here.” Burr turned his phone to Alexander who took it.

**From: John Laurens**

**Do you know where Alexander is? Is he okay?**

“He sent me that earlier today. What should I say back?”

Alexander stared at the phone for several moments.

**From: Aaron Burr**

**Stay away from me- Hamilton**

He pressed send before Burr could do anything to stop him. Burr grabbed his phone back and sighed.

“Really?”

“I’m not going to fuck up his life, Burr. I refuse.”

 

In the end John approached Alexander. Alexander had finally managed to free himself from Madison and Jefferson and had returned home. He’d spent a few days back in his dorm and was finding a regular sleeping pattern possible to maintain.

Knocks came on his door again and Alexander groaned.

“I don’t fucking need checking up on!” He yelled through the door. “I’m a grown ass adult, Madison!” He yanked the door open and paused as he saw John, Hercules and Lafayette on the other side. John stared at him before quickly looking away.

John looked so much better. He’d obviously put on weight and the dark bags under his eyes had vanished. He didn’t look haunted like he had and as his sleeve slipped down there were no new bruises to be seen.

“Madison has been checking on you?” Lafayette chuckled. “You are worse than I thought.”

“I’m fine.” Alexander stated. “And I don’t need a fucking pity party or whatever-”

“This isn’t a pity party.” John’s tone was calm and even. “It’s- we need to talk.”

“Why?”

“Because- because I need to thank you.”

“What?”

“I need to thank you. I didn’t- I didn’t before. Charlie was- he was abusing me. I didn’t let myself see it because- because I’m still fucked over from a really homophobic background to be honest. But you- you didn’t need to know that.” John sighed. “He didn’t care about me and even though that took me a long time to notice that doesn’t- that doesn’t mean you guys didn’t. You were trying to help. So- thank you.”

“I used you. I manipulated you. I put Herc and Laf’s relationship in danger just for the fun of it. I-”

“Not for fun.” John cut in. “I don’t like what you did but you did it for all the right reasons.”

“And petit jambon, Hercules and I are in no danger. Nothing as small as you could break us.”

“What?” Alexander asked in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“We were hanging out with you just about as much as you were hanging out with John.” Hercules said, glancing at John. “One of us at least. We didn’t break up.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Alexander muttered. “It’s just- it’s just time.”

“Madison and Jefferson did not fall out of love.” Lafayette added. “Is it all relationships?”

“Yes! It’s just time! And-”

“Or is it just faulty ones?”

“What?” Alexander looked up in surprise at that. Lafayette smiled gently.

“Have you ever dated someone? Long term?”

“No.”

“What, never?” John asked in surprise. Alexander looked away.

“No. I- it doesn’t work. No-one stays in love with me. My curse pushes them away.”

“You’ve had sex, right?” Hercules asked. Lafayette hit him gently. “Sorry.”

“What if-” John paused and bit his lip. “What if there was someone in love with you?”

“Impossible. Who the fuck would want me?” Alexander scoffed. “Even without my curse.”

“Petit jambon… why do you say that?”

“I- I know I’m not exactly a catch. I overwork myself, I don’t concentrate correctly, I swear way too fucking much. No-one would want to bring me home to their parents. It just- it’s not possible.”

“I love you.” John admitted quietly. Hercules and Lafayette didn’t react, as if their entire visit had been for these three words.

Alexander stared at John, open mouthed.

“Wh-what?”

“I love you. I- I’ve loved you for months. And you- it’s not getting weaker, Alexander, it’s getting so much fucking stronger. I love you and I- I don’t want to keep being ignored by you. I don’t want to lose you from my life just because I couldn’t get my head out of my ass. I love you.”

“John-”

“Do you love me?”

“I can’t.” Alexander bit down on his lip hard. “I- I’ll ruin it. I’ll break it. I’ll hurt you and- and I never fucking want to do that.”

“What if Laf’s right? What if it’s only couples who would break up anyway?”

“What if it’s not? What if we set each other up for failure? John I can’t do that to you-”

“I want you to.”

“But I don’t know.”

John smiled and shrugged. He stepped forwards until he was just a few inches from Alexander. He then leant forwards and gently kissed the man. Alexander felt a hand curl into his hair and he couldn’t help the noise that escaped his mouth. John pulled back but didn’t take his hand out of Alexander’s hair. He smiled gently.

“There’s only one way to find out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's wondering, Alexander doesn't have a curse, he does technically have a blessing/ gift. It means relationships have to be true essentially, they can't just be a decent relationship, they have to be a 'true' relationship where the people actually fit together and belong together. Kinda like soulmates but a bit less? I just really liked the idea of Alexander forcing the people around him to live the truth in their relationships without even knowing it, I thought it echoed all of his principles quite nicely.  
> Anyway, now I really wanna write a soulmate fic with an anti cupid but I dunno


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